Can Practicing Detachment and Escapism Be Healthy?

...asking for a friend 😅

Jul 31, 2024

Today’s Musing

I find myself craving commitment to something new.

For six weeks, I have been a bit untethered and traveling. My apartment is packed into a storage unit, and as you read this, I am in Jamaica enjoying family time before I head to Colombia.

View from my mom's backyard — The backyard

Being untethered, in this way, has allowed me to bask in the true meaning of being free and adventurous. However, I find myself craving commitment to something other than myself.

While I do not know what to do about this yet, I am open to where these sentiments might lead me. Truth is I am having a hard time putting everything into words because I am still processing and seeking clarity so I can move forward with wisdom and true understanding.

As I mentioned recently, I am experiencing many in-betweens and I am learning to hold the tension of opposites. I am learning to be still and joyful in the grey. I am learning that I can create happiness anywhere I want —in the light, in the dark, and in the grey.

Many of my community are experiencing transitions in similar ways, trying to make the next big step happen. The aspiring homeowners and business owners. The kindling of romantic love. The opening of long-closed doors for my fellow immigrants. The hating of the job and wanting different. The ending of unfulfilling relationships.

I see the discomfort and angst in their experiences, but I also see their excitement and hopefulness for what is to come. Though they do not have the answers, they have hope and faith, and I feed off theirs.

As I watch and cheer them on, I observe myself in contrast. I have resorted to old patterns that have always helped me in transitions.

Lately, I have been mindful of how I detach and use escapism to make my frustrations smaller. It is not that I am fearful and stressed; I have a lot of good things going for me.

I detach as a method of rest.

In a recent post, I discussed how tiring the journey can be —even when all is going well. How many of us have been there or are there right now?

Detaching and using escapism techniques give me release and space to experience different thoughts and feelings unrelated to my day-to-day.

Everyone detaches or uses escapism as a coping mechanism at some point. My question is: How much is too much? How much is just right?

If I am to detach and practice escapism, I want to do so mindfully. That way it is a tool and not a segue to depression.

sunset in jamaica's countryside — Chasing orange clouds…

How do detachment and escapism present for me?

If you ask anyone to describe me, you might get words like grounded and earthy. When things are uncomfortable, however, I allow myself to daydream and zone out more than I usually would.
This allows me to focus less on an outcome and use more energy to visualize something different and better. Brick by brick and with discipline the results will come regardless.
Sometimes I become so detached I feel physically distant from friends even while they are in the same room.
I spend a lot of time ruminating and it has often required me to withdraw in some capacity. For me, that means I lose interest in others so I can spend more time in my inner world. My last few weeks living in Brooklyn were like this.
Naturally, as I withdraw, I have a hard time with active listening. Lately, I have asked people to repeat themselves a lot more and I have accepted it as an unwillingness to give energy to conversation.
In the past, I have managed this kind of detachment poorly, but I want to be better. As a result, I have set boundaries that allow me to bail on plans if I know I cannot be there the way my friends would need me to be.
For example, my friends had a picnic in Central Park a few weeks ago. As much as I was excited for the picnic, I decided to choose my own company. It had been a tough day for me and I had no energy to invest in anyone's stories but my own.
I am more irascible. My family has been calling me out about it all week.
I would be in the middle of a daydream or just spaced out when my sister would try to get my attention and I would snap with irritation.
“Girl, don’t you see me daydreaming?” I had a long day, I’m trying to be somewhere else!

This is how I have coped with change and transitions.

Change, as much as we want it to be instant, it is not. It often involves a lot of waiting and patience, so what do we do in that waiting period? How do you cope with change while living fully?

How much detachment and escapism is healthy as a coping mechanism?